im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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