im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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