I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
