who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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