those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
