you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
