I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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