omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
