1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
