I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize