You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
