Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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