if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
