yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
