I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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