Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
