i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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