did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
