You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wish you could order shots online.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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