I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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