your room smells of hookers.
And success
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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