Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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