Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
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i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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