I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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