Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
