Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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