mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You did what with his pubic hair?
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