Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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