sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
