Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
