She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
