Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
