I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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