i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
