Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
