Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
