Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
