Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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