I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize