remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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