She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
