Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
