does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
