Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
