Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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