You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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