All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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