my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
