Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
