Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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