Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
