i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Everyone says I win the strip club
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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