I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
