i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
