How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
