i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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