so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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