All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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