My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
