The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I didn't notice because vodka
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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