i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
