Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We are two peas in an std pod
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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