im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
