there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
