Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
