I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
