Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
