Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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