i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Quick, to the slutcave!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
