Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
