so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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