Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
