She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
