She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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