sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
