I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
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Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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