is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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