Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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