i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
