i jhust puked up my retainher.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
