if you like me you must not know who I am
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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