Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
