Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
