She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
