are you so shy because you have an std?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
