Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
