Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
