people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
