I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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