Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
