HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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