Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it's like iHOP with fire
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
