In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
