you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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