If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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