Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
