My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Never let your siblings swipe right.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
